


Memories That Shouldn’t Exist

by redbluezero



Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga), ソードアート・オンライン - 川原礫 | Sword Art Online - Kawahara Reki
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Parallel Universes, Post-Canon, kyouji has a splinter dont worry abt it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22627525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbluezero/pseuds/redbluezero
Summary: Kyouji passes by a man in the supermarket. He recognizes him, but has no idea from where. Until he realizes that it’s Zappa, from Gun Gale Online… but how does he know that?
Kudos: 5





	Memories That Shouldn’t Exist

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I’ve had on my mind for a while now. I’ve written stuff like it before, but I like this iteration enough to post it. Anyway, it’s about light novel Kyouji recalling the events of the web novel. It’s a parallel universe thing, so enjoy.  
> Context: Mortale Fucile (web novel Kyouji) kills the player named Zappa in real life during the BoB.

It was Kyouji’s turn to go grocery shopping, so he quickly exited the small house and began his excursion to the supermarket. It was a bit breezy, but not so cold that he needed a jacket. His beat up sneakers clacked against the pavement with each heavy step he took.  _ Hm, I should be less tense,  _ he thought.

It had been four months since he’d been released from juvie, and so far he’d been getting reaccustomed to real life just fine. He liked being able to shop for groceries, something that was once a mundane chore. His younger self really had taken things for granted; but he was a changed person now.

But that didn’t mean the past didn’t still cling onto him like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Once in the supermarket, Kyouji made a beeline to the back where all the refrigerators were. He inspected each and every egg carton that was stacked within, quickly opening and closing the tabs in search for the best one. One carton near the back on the right side had twelve perfectly brown eggs, not a single scratch on them. He grinned and picked it up with his left hand, then walked further right to the beverages section of the refrigerators.

However, on his way there, he scuffed shoulders with an older man.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Kyouji muttered, his head hanging down.  _ Wait, the doctor said it’s important to look at the world around me,  _ he reminded himself. He tilted his head upward and gave a polite “my bad” face. The man just clicked his tongue.

He had short, greasy black hair. His shirt had a very loose neckline, and his belt flopped to the side. He was lanky, and his eyes looked as if they weren’t used to the light. He looked like a stereotypical VRMMO gamer, basically. And that’s when Kyouji realized he’d seen this man before.

His hair had been a bit shorter, and he’d had the slightest stubble… he also looked a bit younger, but it was definitely him. Who? Kyouji’s head started to pound, and hazy images swirled in his brain. A dark apartment, a man with an Amusphere on his head, a hand holding a needless syringe… whose hand was it? Shouichi’s?

_ Mine. _

“Hey, you okay?” the familiar man asked. Kyouji froze, and his hands went cold. That voice, even though he’d never heard it say a coherent sentence, was a sound he knew. Small, choking sounds waltzed in his mind, the sound of a man spasming as his organs came to a halt. Why did he have a gruesome memory like that? He hadn’t killed anyone, not in real life. Except…

“Zappa…”

Kyouji’s fingers went limp, and the carton of eggs crashed into the ground. The cracking of egg shells echoed in the aisle, but they weren’t loud enough to silence the sounds in his mind. The man’s eyes widened, and he took a step back to avoid the eggs.

“How do you know my  _ Gun Gale Online  _ name?” he asked, his voice gruff and dubious. Kyouji started to tremble, and clenched his left hand with his right. What was happening? What was he remembering? He had injected this man, but he never once acted as Death Gun in real life. He had killed this man, yet he was standing right there. Whose life was he remembering?

_ Mortale Fucile. _

Consciousness slipped away from Kyouji, and he crumpled onto the floor next to the spilled yolks. He could faintly hear the man call for help before his senses left him entirely.

“Kyouji-kun! I came as soon as I heard! What happened?” a voice called out. Kyouji blinked a few times, trying to take in his surroundings. Bright lights surrounded him, and he was sitting up on a soft bed. His clothes felt thin and loose, so he looked down and saw a hospital gown.  _ Oh yeah, I fainted in the supermarket… the guy probably called 110 after that…  _ He’d come to earlier, but didn’t gather his thoughts until that moment. Across from him, sitting in a chair with a concerned face, was Shino Asada.

“Why are you wearing glasses?” Kyouji asked softly in a voice not quite his.  _ What’s that supposed to mean?  _ he wondered. But the more he looked at her, the more… incorrect she seemed. Her hair was tied up, not loose and chin length. Even her eyes seemed to be… rounder than they should have been, whatever the hell that meant. He felt as if he were looking at her through a foggy car window.

“Huh? Kyouji-kun, I’ve worn these for as long as I’ve known you. Are you okay?” Shino asked, raising an eyebrow. She grabbed his face in her hands and turned it a bit, checking to see if he’d hit his head in the fall. Her palms were very soft, and as they roughly pressed into his cheeks, he couldn’t help but smile. It was a sensation he’d yearned for so long.

_ What? _

The warmth of another.

_ What the? _

To hold her in his arms, to touch her skin, to steal a kiss.

_ What the fuck? _

“Hey, I asked if you were okay!” Shino repeated, shaking Kyouji’s head a bit. He finally managed to see her face clearly, and there were tears welling up in her eyes. Shit, he’d made her cry. That fucking sucked, though it wasn’t the first time he’d done so.

_ What the fuck does that mean? _

“Do you believe in parallel universes?” Kyouji asked with a straight face. He gazed into Shino’s eyes as if they led to someplace far away. She let go of his face, her hands slipping down to his.

“I guess I do, yeah… hey, Kyouji-kun, you better not talk like that, otherwise they’ll make you an inpatient again,” Shino warned, perturbed by his words. He just shook his head.

“No, this is a universe I would not like to go to. I’m staying put right here, don’t you worry,” Kyouji reassured, his mouth growing dry. Suddenly, he pulled away his hands from Shino’s.

_ Because I did horrible, horrible things to her in that world. _

“I-I’m sorry, you should go. You don’t have to force yourself to see me,” he sputtered, his eyes widening. Images of her tears flashed through his brain and became clearer with each second that passed. He shook his head violently, he didn’t want to see any of it anymore. To his horror, Shino fully embraced him. Her arms wrapped around his hospital attire, and she gripped the fabric in her fists. This only made the images in his head worse, more gruesome, more graphic.

“Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop! Please, I don’t want to hurt you again!” Kyouji screamed, squirming away from her. He wasn’t trying to escape Shino per say, but rather the memory of hurting her. His arms wriggled around, reaching for the nurse calling button. But Shino squeezed him even harder, trying with all her might to not let him go. He writhed and writhed, yet she still clung to him like a little leech. Unknowingly, he started crying too, until a few minutes later his shaking shoulders settled down. His soft hiccups were the only sound in the room. Finally, Shino pulled away with a pitiful smile.

“See? I’m okay,” she whispered, “Whatever happened in this different timeline you speak of doesn’t matter here. That’s not the real you.” She wiped her eyes quickly, and then made sure Kyouji did the same. His nose was red, but he looked much better. His eyes were clearer, and his mind was at ease. He even smiled back at her, and mouthed “thank you”.

Soon after, Kyouji checked himself back into the medical institution he’d stayed in. He’d already served his juvie sentence, so he wasn’t very restricted anymore. He knew it was the right thing to do, as he still had more work to do before he fully recovered.

As for Shino, when she got home, she threw out the ticket for the entrance exam of a certain academy along with its associated pamphlet. She stuffed all of the crumpled up papers into her trash can, along with her dreams of being a police officer. Maybe it was impulsive, maybe it was naïve, but she felt rattled to her core and had to do something about it. She opened up the mail app on her phone.

_ Esteemed Dr. Koujiro, _

_ I hope this email finds you in good health. I apologize for disrupting you during the weekday, but I have something very important to discuss. As I approach graduation, I have come to realize what I want my career to be. I need to make changes to my college planning papers soon, so I would greatly appreciate it if you replied quickly: do you have any pointers for applying to the Touto Institute of Technology? _

_ I wish to join Rath. _

_ Best regards, _

_ Asada Shino _

As it turned out, Kyouji wasn’t the only one who’d gotten vague recollections of moments in time that had never occurred. Shino had felt them, too, but seeing him in the same boat as her was the final straw. She was going to get to the bottom of this “parallel universe” nonsense, and Rath was her best bet.

**Author's Note:**

> I probably won’t expand on this, so sorry that I made the ending seem like I would. Who knows, I could, but probably only as small parts of different fics I’m writing. Also, I hope Kyouji doesn’t seem weirdly written. I mostly just self projected to make it seem realistic. Didn’t wanna make it too dramatic.  
> Oh! And I almost forgot: the line “To hold her in his arms, to touch her skin, to steal a kiss.” is a line from the web novel. Well, at least, how I translated it for the sake of this fic, haha.


End file.
